5 fantastic ways to deal with a husband who thinks you’re his mother
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Sure, most husbands act like responsible adults. They’re dependable, conscientious and behave like the grown men they are. But once in a while, that boyish “Mom will do it” mindset surfaces.
Along the same lines, sometimes married women look to their husbands as a father figure. They revert to the young, helpless girl that needs protected and taken of.
When your husband confuses you with his mom, here are some easy tips to reinforce your role as his wife:
Let the Q-tips pile up.
A friend told me a pretty disgusting habit her husband had of using a Q-tip each morning to clean his ears, then laying it on the bathroom counter. The trash can was just two feet away, but the guy must have forgotten it existed. The dutiful wife would toss the used Q-tips each morning, until one day she changed her mind. The used Q-tips grew into a small mountain.
The exasperated husband finally asked why the Q-tips weren’t being thrown away. My friend explained that it wasn’t her job. So, if your hubby lets his trash, dirty underwear or sweaty workout clothes pile up, calmly let him know that those piles offend you. They make you wonder if he is sending a message that you’re his maid, and they don’t set a good example of cleanliness for your children, either.
Don’t apologize for your cooking.
When your dear husband expects his favorite childhood dishes on the table every night, it’s time to set things straight. It’s great to incorporate some of your mother-in-law’s dishes into your cooking, but you probably have your own tried and true recipes as well. If you're the cook, explain that you plan the menu. It never hurts to add variety, so you can tweak your mom-in-law's recipes if they’re too fattening, for example.
Escort him to the laundry room …
… or the dishwasher, or the vacuum. Make sure you and your spouse share household chores, especially if you both work. If you’re constantly cleaning while he’s watching TV or playing video games, ask him to take over a chore. He may not even realize you need help unless you ask.
If his gaming habits drive you crazy, talk it out.
Maybe his mom turned a blind eye to his excessive video gaming. But now your husband is a grown-up with responsibilities, and one of them is your marriage. You want to interact in meaningful ways and have real conversations – not feel abandoned.
Let your hubby know that you’re feeling ignored, and you’re worried about the toll video games are taking on your relationship. Ask him to cut back. See this article on how to deal with a gamer husband.
Don’t forget to comfort, encourage and uplift.
Before the two of you were married, you probably turned to your parents or close friends for a shoulder to lean on. Now, you have each other. Be the listening ear and cheerleader, and your marriage will strengthen. The trust and confidence you have in each other will grow.
Plan to enjoy a long and successful life together. Stand firmly as the wife, not the mother, in your marriage.
Megan Gladwell, a freelance writer and sometimes teacher, lives in beautiful Northern California with her husband and four children.
