Bombastic, beautiful 'Pan' fails to enchant - East Idaho News
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Bombastic, beautiful ‘Pan’ fails to enchant

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Suppose you’re sitting with your loved ones on Christmas morning and you’re presented with a package. Said package is beautifully wrapped, festooned with ribbons and bows. You tear into the gift, dizzy with anticipation. This will be the greatest present of all time, you tell yourself. You open the present and find … gym socks. Holy huge disappointment, Batman.

Watching “Pan” feels a lot like the cinematic equivalent of receiving such a Christmas package.

”Pan” is a prequel to the familiar Peter Pan story. It begins with a young mother leaving an infant Peter on the steps of an orphanage (almost said “orphanarium,” like on “Futurama”). Twelve years later Peter (Levi Miller) is a troublemaker who yearns to reconnect with his mother. When he’s swiped by pirates led by Blackbeard (Hugh Jackman), his life is set on a new course and he teams with Hook (Garret Hedland) and Princess Tiger Lilly (Rooney Mara) to save Neverland.

”Pan” is an absolutely beautiful-looking film. Almost every frame of this flick is packed to the corners with lovely imagery. Even the ugly people in “Pan” look beautiful, in their own eccentric way. There’s not a moment of this movie where the eye isn’t beholding something appealing.

Trouble is that the imagery, as beautiful as it is, doesn’t really make up for the boring, tired, predictable story. We know “Pan” is setting up the story of Peter Pan, so that means we know where the story ends. We know none of the main characters are under threat of dying. That robs “Pan” of any drama.

The script feels like it was written by a Screenwriting 101 class. You can see every plot point coming from miles away. You know how each character’s arc will play out. There are no surprises. That wouldn’t be so bad if the movie offered anything to take your mind off the thudding tediousness of it all, but it really doesn’t.

If “Pan” has a saving grace, it’s Hugh Jackman. He goes several light-years over the top playing Blackbeard, hissing, bellowing and doing nothing with subtlety. It’s as if he’s went back to his experience in musical theater for this role. It’s not a great performance, but it’s about the only thing in “Pan” that’s worth watching. Aside from Rooney Mara’s bare midriff, that is.

Director Joe Wright has done good things in the past. I really liked “The Soloist.” Here, he seems to get lost in a haze of epic camera moves and computer-generated images. I almost hope this movie flops so he can go back to doing smaller, more interesting movies.

I can’t wrap this up without mentioning John Powell’s musical score. While most of the elements “Pan” fail, Powell’s music is pretty great. It’s powerful and bombastic, just like the scores from old adventure films. I’d actually skip seeing “Pan” and pick up the soundtrack instead.

”Pan” is like way too many contemporary family films. It looks great but doesn’t offer much in the way of interesting storytelling. Hugh Jackman is fun and the music is great. Sometimes good acting and music are enough to make a movie worth seeing. That’s not the case with “Pan.”

2 Indy Fedoras out of 5

MPAA Rating: PG

Thanks to Fat Cats in Rexburg for providing screenings for movie reviews on EastIdahoNews.com.

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