Forsgren: Alton Brown Teaches and Torments on Netflix
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One fateful night I dropped in on my good friend Sparkles and, by chance, she was Netflixing “Cutthroat Kitchen”. Hosting the show was Alton Brown, who spent most of the show trying to stop the chef-testants on the show from being able to accomplish their meal plans. And he really seemed to enjoy doing so. And, super shocker, I really enjoyed watching him do so.
I was hooked immediately. Hooked on Alton Brown. Someone should write a Journey-esque power ballad about it.
Now the dude’s my hero. Brown is like a scientist, pop culture nerd, comedy writer and, of course, masterchef all rolled into one body. And each of the four shows currently available to stream on Netflix featuring Brown display a different side of his personality. Let’s run down the list.
The Mentor: “The Next Food Network Star”
Brown, along with Bobby Flay and Giada De Laurentiis (one of my biggest celebrity crushes), tutor a group of up-and-coming chefs who are shooting for the chance to host their very own cooking show. Brown is a study in tough love on this show. You can tell he really cares about the contestants, but he’s bound by duty to keep a certain amount of distance.
That doesn’t mean that Brown is above dishing out some blistering criticism when needed. He slings some absolutely withering critiques. But it’s always for the betterment of the contestant. He knows what it takes to successfully host a Food Network show. He tutors the chef-testants, giving them important tips that help them step up their game. And when he’s not doing that, it’s pretty fun to watch him antagonize Giada. It’s kind of like pulling the hair of that girl you liked in first grade.
The Play-By-Play Announcer: “Iron Chef America”
If World Wrestling Entertainment ever decides to throw together a cooking competition, it would probably look a lot like this. One of the Iron Chefs is challenged by an up-and-coming chef looking to prove their mettle to the world. Smack talk is exchanged, ingredients fly around the kitchen and judges pass their judgements. Also, fun is had by all.
Brown is basically “Iron Chef America’s” version of John Madden. He calls out the play-by-play, trying to guess what the chefs’ strategies might be. He tosses around jokes with the other announcers. And he might have a medical condition that won’t allow him to stand still while the camera’s on him, because he never stops moving around the frame.
The Nerdy Cooking Instructor: “Good Eats”
Brown’s recipe show is a fusion of science, cooking and pop culture nerdiness. He not only gets into the way you prepare different foods, but the science of why you prepare it the way you do. Along the way, he cracks jokes, makes references to movies and TV shows and even plays with puppets!
This show not only highlights Brown’s abilities as a chef, but also his all-around intelligence. He sounds just as at home breaking down the chemistry of what happens to meat as you cook it as he is showing you how to roll sushi. And he knows how to make it fun. There’s no way to be bored watching “Good Eats”. It proves Brown is a whirling dervish of cooking, science and comedy.
The Evil Genius: “Cutthroat Kitchen”
This show is genius. Brown hosts a quartet of chef-testants in a competition, gives them $25,000 and then offers to sell them devious devices that they can use to sabotage their opponents. Brown devises some truly heinous sabotages to inflict on the chef-testants, like forcing a chef to cook their meal in a little kid’s kitchen or using a bike/blender gadget to make pitchers of margaritas. It’s all evil. It’s all deadly.
This is my favorite side of Brown. I love the way he relishes tormenting the contestants. Some of the sabotages he thinks up are absolutely ingenious. Hollywood should hire him to write suspense thrillers, because the dude knows how to create tension. Just look at how he makes his contestants sweat. “Cutthroat Kitchen” proves one thing spectacularly well: Alton Brown is one lab accident away from becoming a super villain.
Alton Brown is an entertainer of the highest order, and watching him is an awesome way to pass the time. And if you’re open-minded, he may also teach you a thing or two.