Forsgren: How to realize a dream that will not die

A few years back, my friends and I made a silly little video for the “Star Wars” fanfilm awards. A fanfilm, for those not in the know, is a movie made by fans of a pop culture property that is set in the universe or draws inspiration from it. Our movie was a mock documentary about an idiot filmmaker (portrayed by yours truly) who struggles against fate, his own deficiencies and a Trekkie cameraman to complete his dream movie project.

Watch it if you have 20 minutes to kill.

Our movie actually did pretty well. It was chosen as a finalist for the Best Mockumentary category, meaning George Lucas himself actually watched it. We got coverage from a couple of the local newspapers, and a couple of clips from our movie turned up in a Sci-Fi Channel (now SyFy) special hosted by movie director (and one of my personal heroes) Kevin Smith. My buddy Erik, who directed the movie, and I even got to participate on a panel at the San Diego Comic-Con that year.

Jump back to present day. At least three people have given me newspaper clippings about our 15 minutes of “fame.” I’m surprised anybody but those involved even remember. Actually, they probably don’t. They’ve just stumbled across it while cleaning or whatever and decided I need it more than they do. Still, it keeps happening, and I’m starting to be suspicious the universe is trying to tell me something.

Usually, I just make up excuses why I can’t get it done. … It’s 20-freaking-17 and there are few obstacles left that I haven’t placed in my own way.

It plays into dreams I’ve been nursing since before I went to film school. I want to write and direct a movie. I want it so badly, my bones ache. On top of that, I’ve been extremely depressed lately, and I’m sure if I could start being creative for myself, I’d be much happier.

So I have this dream, and someone somewhere seems to be sending me signals that it’s now or never. Usually, I just make up excuses why I can’t get it done. No one will help me. I don’t have the right gear. Stuff like that. But, it’s 20-freaking-17 and there are few obstacles left that I haven’t placed in my own way.

For one thing, shooting and editing footage can be accomplished so much easier now. My phone has a pretty good camera in it, and that would at least give me a place to start. There are also plenty of options as far as free video editing software that one can download from the web.

For another thing, east Idaho has some pretty cool landscapes that could serve well as backdrops to film projects. The St. Anthony Sand Dunes could look epic if you want to make a movie set in the desert. There are places like that all over our neck of the woods. All that’s needed is a story that can use them.

There are even ways to get my work out to the public. I could organize a screening party, where people could gather to see what I’ve come up with. However, I’ve never really been a bringing-people-together kind of cat. Fortunately, there are entities like YouTube, where I could upload my work and then I could just send people a link and ask them to watch. So why am I not doing it?

Two reasons. First, I haven’t felt inspired by any of my own ideas in a long time. I have ideas everyday that could work, but most of them seem unoriginal, too complicated to pull off or just plain stupid. If I can’t come up with an idea that excites me, that will be reflected in my work. And I want to make something awesome.

Secondly, and more primarily, I’m scared. I fear I won’t be able to capture what’s in my head. I fear I won’t be able to find people excited to help. I fear that the result will suck because I’m not actually that talented. The fear is very real and paralyzing.

So, it would appear I’m caught between the hammer in the anvil, stuck between an irresistible force and an immovable object. There are two choices, to create something or to do nothing. And I know if I choose to do nothing, I will be left in a wake of regret. I already regret a ton of my choices in life. This can’t be one of them. So the choice is clear. It’s time to put on my writer/director’s hat.

Now all I need is a good idea…