Schiess: Fathers must find way back to their kids

“To be an orphan, your father doesn’t have to die,” says Paul Quinnett in his book, Fishing Lessons.

A few years ago, I guided a man and his 13-year-old daughter. The fishing was okay, both caught fish, but during a slow time, the conversation went to family. The man lamented that of his eight children; this one was the only one that really recognized him as their father.

“I failed with my children of my first marriage, but have learned my lesson,” he said. “This one is not going to get away.”

The next day I fished with another father and his 12-year-old daughter. These fathers do not want their children to be orphans while they are still alive.

At this time in the history of most families, there are so many things that get in the way of both men and children, making it easy for all to become lost to each other. Time is a precious commodity and spending time with children can take second or third or even tenth place.

Recently, while watching fathers and grandfathers helping children, my thoughts went back to my own father. A quiet, small, but loving and caring man – one whom I claimed to be my best friend. One of ten children, I was still given the individual time I needed. We hunted, fished, trapped, camped, worked and played baseball together.

Oh, I was no angel growing up, but Dad knew what buttons to push when they needed pushing. At times when I would get into trouble he would load up me and an old boat and head for a lake or the river. I found it very difficult to jump out of a pickup going 50 miles per hour or to walk away from him while in the boat in the middle of a lake.

Not much preaching was done – but the silence was deadening. I knew how disappointed he was with me and it was left at that.

A few years ago when I owned a fly shop in Island Park, I had two mothers come in, each with a teenage son. They wanted to get some rods, reels and a few lures so the kids could catch some fish. They were not a happy bunch. The boys were being forced into something they were unfamiliar with and not happy to learn from their mothers.

Just before I was ready to close, the four came in again having lost the lures and tangled the lines – what a mess. I suggested that I take the boys fishing on Henry’s Lake and for the moms to pick them up at 9 p.m.

What a ball we had catching and releasing fish, talking and me being taught a valuable lesson about fathering: don’t ignore your children.

In my study I have a bumper sticker put out by Zebco. It says, “Don’t let your kid be the one that got away.” True, Zebco wants to sell you more fishing gear, but the message is clear. As a former teacher I have seen some that have gotten away – or have been abandoned. They might as well be orphans.

Quinnett ends the article with, “Wherever it is that all the lost fathers have gone, I pray they will find their way back … and soon. Their children are looking for them.”

Happy Father’s Day, do some outdooring with your kids this summer, autumn and next winter, and hopefully it will become a habit.