Re-entering the dating world as a young divorced dad
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The following is an opinion column from EastIdahoNews.com business editor Rett Nelson.
Okay, let me begin by being completely open and honest with you.
My name is Rett Nelson and I am a divorced dad.
If that sentence sounds like an introduction for a support group, there’s a reason for that.
It’s because living life as a divorced dad initially feels like a black mark on your life. To people who know what you’ve been through, your marital status is like the white elephant in the room. It’s painfully obvious to everyone, yet everyone awkwardly tries to avoid bringing it up.
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When people find out, it feels like the whole world is against you.
It feels like you can hear people saying, “He’s a deadbeat,” or “It must’ve been his fault because he’s a man.”
Divorced dads get a bad rap. They get the raw end of the stick in many ways. It’s a lonely existence.
The loneliness has nothing to do with being alone. There are times when I’ve been surrounded by people and still felt so lonely I thought I would die.
Time goes by and people eventually start trying to play the matchmaking game.
People begin conversations with phrases such as “I know this girl…” and “So-and-so is single.”
It all feels so forced and silly.
Then one day, after coming home to an empty house for what feels like the millionth time, you come to one obvious conclusion.
I may be the most unlovable, washed up piece of trash there is but I am sick and tired of being alone and I’ve got absolutely nothing to lose!
Among the list of eligible women from coworkers, family and friends was a girl who works with my aunt. I pulled out the paper with her name and phone number and just stared at it.
There’s nothing to this, I think to myself. I’ve got a Red Robin gift card left over from Christmas. I’ll take her to dinner on someone else’s dime and if it’s a complete disaster, I’m not out a thing.
I dial the number. The phone starts to ring. She doesn’t answer and it takes me to her voicemail.
I was not expecting this.
The butterflies start swarming. My heart starts racing and after the beep, I say the first thing that comes to mind.
“Uhhh…..Hi.”
Off to a great start.
“My name is Rett Nelson. I am so-and-so’s nephew. I was wondering if you wanted to do something….sometime. Give me a call. Thanks, bye.”
Click.
This is so silly, I thought. I’m a grown man!
Then I think,
She’s probably not going to call me back anyway, so what does it matter.
But she does call back. The next day.
It is Saturday. We schedule a date on Monday. A school night!
Is that legal? Of course, I’m an adult. Now whatever you do, Rett, don’t tell anyone.
I walk into work on Monday quiet as a mouse with no intention of saying anything about it. Then someone asks “You doing anything tonight, Rett?”
Without thinking I reply,
“I’m going on a date.”
Oh no, what have I just said!
For the next hour, my coworkers want all the details.
“Who is she?”
“Is she pretty?”
“Have you looked her up on Facebook?”
“Where are you taking her?”
“You should write a column about reentering the dating world,” one of them says.
The date, I’m happy to say, was not a complete disaster. I had a fun time and my reporter skills of asking questions came in handy.
As I drop her off at the end of the night, she said,
“We should do this again sometime. Can I have a hug?”
We embrace and go our separate ways.
It’s been about two months since that first date. Word has spread of my eligible bachelorhood and I’ve since been on multiple dates with two different women.
Being a divorced dad is actually working to my advantage. Someone actually wants to be with me.
I’m beginning to feel emotions I haven’t felt in a long time. It’s refreshing.
Maybe Rett Nelson is going to be okay. And maybe life as a single father won’t be so bad.