Top 3 tips for effective co-parenting from a family law attorney

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Navigating custody and visitation schedules after a divorce or break-up can be particularly difficult and bring up a multitude of emotions.

Handling the co-parenting and communication with the other parent in an efficient and cooperative manner can be a challenge, but it is worthwhile for the well-being of your children.

Here are some practical tips to help parents navigate those complicated waters:

Prioritize the Children

It can be easy to let emotions cloud our judgment, particularly if there are negative feelings toward the other parent involved. Children are very perceptive and they need consistency and a sense of emotional security from their caregivers.

It is important to avoid speaking negatively about the other parent (true or not) and don’t let other family members/friends speak badly about the other parent in front of the children either. As much as you can, reassure the kids that they are loved by both parents, regardless of the ongoing changes in the family.

Create an open support system for them, where they can feel their feelings freely, without feeling like they have to choose one parent or the other.

Communicate Effectively

The essential element of good co-parenting is clear and concise communication with the other parent. This doesn’t mean that you have to tell the other parent about every little thing (setting boundaries around communication are OK), but there does need to be open communication about important things going on that affect the children.

At all times, keep communication calm and respectful, avoid name-calling at all costs, and never use the children to communicate with the other parent.

Often, text messages and emails are presented in court, so write every communication between you and the other parent as though it will be read by a judge. When in doubt, there are tools available to assist with communication and co-parenting, such as a shared calendar or a co-parenting app to manage the children’s schedules and appointments.

Educate Yourself

Unfortunately, you can’t control the other parent, but how you handle yourself is completely within your control.

There are numerous resources available to support and educate yourself in tricky coparenting situations. If you are able to, find a good counselor to support you with your specific situation and emotional needs. Enroll in a co-parenting online or in-person course (some counseling offices offer these).

Read books on co-parenting and communication, such as the book BIFF for Coparent Communication by Bill Eddy, Annette T. Burns, and Kevin Chafin.

Anja Rodriguez is an attorney at Migliuri & Rodriguez PLLC, based in Twin Falls, Idaho, with over eight years of experience in matters of divorce, custody, child support, guardianship, and other family law matters.

This column provides general information and is not to be considered legal advice. Readers with specific legal questions should consult an attorney. The Idaho State Bar Association provides a lawyer referral service, through their website at https://isb.idaho.gov/.