David Archuleta opens up about faith, sexuality, suicidal thoughts and family in candid new memoir
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IDAHO FALLS — David Archuleta is sharing the most personal chapters of his life in a new memoir that focuses on his relationship with his father, his faith, his sexuality and his journey toward self-acceptance.
“Devout: Losing My Faith to Find Myself” has been years in the making, the “American Idol” star told EastIdahoNews.com during a Zoom interview. Archuleta wrote without a ghostwriter, determined to be “raw,” “real,” and “unfiltered” after feeling pressure for much of his career to fit narratives crafted by family, producers and religious expectations.
“Some of the people I was working on the book with were like, ‘Are you sure you want to talk about this?’ And I’m like, ‘You know what? This is my story. I’ve always had to portray myself as, ‘Yay! My life is wonderful and I’m so blessed.’ And yeah, I do feel blessed in my life, but you have to go through messy parts to get there,” Archuleta explains. “I wanted to show people that you can find happiness even amidst the messiness.”
Archuleta is candid about his turbulent relationship with his father, the pressures of becoming a pop star at an early age, and the deeply personal, years-long journey of accepting his sexuality while trying to reconcile it with his faith.
After three failed engagements with different women, he was left grappling with suicidal thoughts because he felt he was evil for liking men. While living alone in Nashville during the pandemic, he says a moment of despair led to a spiritual experience he credits with saving his life.
“I thought maybe it was better if I just ended my life. At that point, I thought no amount of anything, no amount of good deeds, could make up for who I am,” he recalls. “So I got on my knees immediately, and I’m like, ‘God, if you’re there, please just change me. I’m so tired of asking, I’m so tired of trying to change and failing every single time.’ That’s when I felt God say, ‘David, you need to stop asking me this. You’ve been asking me this since you were 12 years old, and you’re 30 now. You see that I’m not going to change this because there’s no reason for me to change you, and I need you to see this.”
Archuleta details the journey that led him to ultimately leave The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, how he reconciled with his father and his message for other LGBTQ young adults.
Watch our entire conversation with Archuleta in the video player above.