I’m in a long-distance relationship and have to spend a lot of money to see my unemployed boyfriend. Is it worth it?

Dear Dave,

I’m 25, and I work as a property manager making $65,000 a year. I’m in the middle of paying off my debts, but I’m struggling to stay intense about it. I’m in a long-distance relationship that forces me to spend a lot of money to see my boyfriend. He’s not working right now, and it’s been a while since his last job. That means I’m always spending extra on gas and other things to make the eight-hour, round-trip drive twice a month so we can spend time together. We’ve been together for almost two years, but I’m honestly beginning to wonder if it’s worth it. He doesn’t seem to mind not working, and that bothers me, too.

Naya

Dear Naya,

It should bother you. So, why isn’t this guy working? Why isn’t he putting forth a little effort to come see you? Are you saying he doesn’t even have a part-time job? From what you’ve told me, it doesn’t sound like he’s got much standing in the way of visiting you once in a while.

A man who wants to work can always find something to do. Tell him to run down to Home Depot, and buy a leaf blower or a lawn mower. Help him out with the purchase, if you can afford it. Most rich people are afraid of leaves and grass, and they’ll pay someone to take care of them. If he can’t—or won’t—do that, then as far as I’m concerned he’s disqualifying himself from being boyfriend material, let alone husband material.

Everything you’re seeing in him right now will be magnified in marriage—both good and bad. You’ve got a bright future ahead of you, young lady. You’ve got a good job, and you’re smart enough to realize the wisdom in getting out of debt and handling your finances in a mature and responsible way. You’ve got so much going for you. And I want you to start putting more value on yourself.

Naya, you need to stay in your town, and invite him to come see you. If he’s willing to find a way to make some money and starts doing this, he might be worthy of having an important place in your life. But, if he’s unwilling to become gainfully employed, and put out at least a little effort to see you on his dime, I think you should move on.

— Dave