‘Burning Down the House’ and the cinnamon rolls

Disclaimer: I did not burn down the house, but I urge you to not do what I did… unless you love dark brown, really dark brown cinnamon rolls.

The backstory

During the last several decades of hiking and camping outdoors all across the United States, I’ve developed a love of Dutch oven cooking – preferably over a campfire.

I’ve made a lot of yummy meals and a handful of inedible disasters. Last week’s experiment was a complete failure; mostly because I was trying a shortcut.

Somewhere, I saw a recipe for cinnamon rolls made with puff pastry. Sounds plausible right? Wrong. I’ve made cinnamon rolls from scratch before – you know, making the dough, letting it rise – the whole three hour process.

So, once I got my rolls divided up, I set them on some tin foil and carried them out to my Dutch oven, which had been preheating on the back deck.

Chill, I took precautions. I started my briquettes on a steel oil pan set on top of some cinderblocks. (I’m not a complete moron.)

I set my timer for 10 minutes and went inside to work on this week’s playlist. At 10 minutes, I inspected my creation and realized something went horribly wrong. The brown sugar had caramelized at the bottom of the “cinnimon rolls” meaning I had too many briquettes on the bottom and not enough on top.

Also, my hope that the puff pastry would rise a little was dashed.

In the end, I had a sheet of tin foil seared to my pastry nightmare. Still, the frosting turned out OK – powdered sugar, butter (not margarine), heavy cream and vanilla flavoring. I choked down a few blackened rolls dipped in frosting, just to prove my manhood.

Truth be told, had this failure happened in a different setting – say in the upstate New York Boundary Waters canoe area, this would have been downed by everyone huddled around the campfire.

By the way, if ever you do take your canoe to upstate New York, I encourage you to stop in Berlin (sounds like Merlin), Ohio, an Amish town where they really do know how to make cinnamon rolls – without the shortcuts.

The playlist

• “Burning Down the House,” Talking Heads, 4:03
• “Stay Up Late,” Talking Heads, 3:43
• “Should I Stay or Should I Go,” The Clash, 3:08
• “Life During Wartime (This Aint No Party),” Talking Heads, 3:41
• “Freedom of Choice,” Devo, 3:28
• “Once in a Lifetime (You May Ask Yourself),” Talking Heads. 3:45
• “I Want to be Sedated,” Ramones, 2:29
• “Losing My Religion,” R.E.M., 4:27
• “Drive,” the Cars, 3:58
• “Roxanne,” the Police, 3:10
• “Take Me To The River,” Talking Heads, 5:32

Quick story about The Police. Back in the summer of 1981, I attended a Police concert during the “Ghost in the Machine” tour at McNichols Arena in Denver. As I recall, I wasn’t that impressed, but I thoroughly enjoyed their opening band, The GoGos. New Playlist?

David Kennard, who has vowed to follow the Amish Cook cinnamon roll recipe in the future, is the News Editor at EastIdahoNews.com. Contact him at David.Kennard@EastIdahoNews.com.