‘Find purpose in sorrow’: Rexburg family helping others process grief with children’s book

REXBURG — Halfway through Emily Miller’s pregnancy, she and her husband, David, learned news no parent ever wants to hear — that their long-awaited second son would not survive after birth.

Over the years, David channeled that grief into a poem, which has since been adapted into an illustrated children’s book. His hope is that the book can provide comfort and hope to anyone who has lost a loved one.

The book, “Twice as Well,” is self-published and available on Amazon.

Baby Daniel had been eagerly anticipated by the Millers and their first son, Charlie, who is now 19 years old. Charlie was born after years of trying to conceive; Daniel came several years later.

But that anticipation quickly turned to sorrow when the family learned Daniel had a lethal form of dwarfism.

“There were already a lot of big feelings around it,” David said. “And then when we got the news of his condition, it just felt like a very significant period in our lives.”

From that moment on, the family lived with what grief counselors often call “anticipatory grief” — the weight of knowing what was coming without being able to stop it.

“We were told by the nurses and grief counselors that this was something that could either bring us together as a family or pull us apart,” David said.

“I knew it would be a significant period in our lives, (and) that we would feel the effects of for the rest of our lives,” he said. “So, I began taking notes. I would carry around 3-by-5 cards in my pocket — in my shirt pocket or my pants pocket.

“And I would journal on these cards. I would write down thoughts that were motivational and inspirational, things that came to me in conversations with Charlie when he was 4 (years old), or with Emily, or with other people. I really started to compile a lot of thoughts because I understood this was going to be an important time.”

At first, David had no ambition beyond helping himself and his family process their grief and remember Daniel in a way that also allowed them to move forward. As the Millers searched for resources to help Charlie, they found many lacking.

“They did a really good job acknowledging sadness and disappointment,” Emily said. “But we felt like they would actually make him feel worse, not better.”

“That’s when we started wishing for something different,” she said, “something that acknowledged the sadness but also helped build forward.”

Over time, David began sharing his writings with his family, reading them to his children and occasionally sharing them with others facing similar losses.

“People really connected with it,” he said. “Especially other fathers.”

Eventually, David realized the writing could be helpful to others in book form.

“This was never about turning it into a profit machine,” he said. “It was something that was useful for us as a family.”

David chose to self-publish the book, which allowed him to preserve its spiritual message.

“I think we all long for the idea that there’s more than this life,” he said. “That’s a pretty universal feeling.”

The illustrations, which have a soft, whimsical quality, were created by Shana Keegan, an artist the Millers discovered at BYU–Idaho.

“When approaching such a tender subject, I relied on David and Emily’s thoughtful input on what they wanted to see depicted,” Keegan said. “I tried my best to create warm and inviting imagery so readers could feel happy and hopeful. I also really enjoyed illustrating elements that were meaningful to the family, like the colorful hot air balloons, which are a symbol of hope. It was an honor to work on this story.”

Keegan visited the Millers’ home, met the children and incorporated subtle details from their lives. The family depicted in the book does not represent the Millers exactly, allowing as many families as possible to see themselves in the story.

For the Millers’ children, “Twice as Well” is more than a book; it’s a shared language for remembering their brother.

“Before every basketball game, I kind of think, ‘Whatever I do tonight is for Daniel,’” said Samuel, 12.

Daughter Ada, 9, described moments when she feels protected — times she believes her brother is still watching over her. “I think he’s like our guardian angel,” she said.

David hopes the book will provide encouragement to families as they move through the grief process.

“Even though you may be going through something really hard and tragic,” he said, “it doesn’t have to destroy the rest of your life.”

Instead, the book encourages families to honor the people they’ve lost by continuing to live fully.

“You can find purpose in sorrow,” he said. “You can honor the person you’re missing by continuing to live a full life.”

“This isn’t something we’re trying to make money from,” Emily said. “The hope is just that it can comfort people, freely.”

To make the message as accessible as possible, the Millers have made the whole book available for free on YouTube, read aloud by Ada.

Physical copies are available through Amazon.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Emily Miller is a longtime EastIdahoNews.com contributor.