Local US Navy veteran’s book explores grief, trauma and healing through the eyes of whales and whalers

POCATELLO — Imagine you’re a whale. You feel the cold water flow around your body as you swim with your beloved calf. But then imagine your calf is taken from you, killed, and you suddenly must see the world through the eyes of those who did it.

This is a sneak peek at local author Daniel Miller’s new book, “I Am the Whale.” Miller told EastIdahoNews.com that in his book, he hopes to engage with conversations around grief, trauma, resilience and healing.

“I feel like this experience of writing allowed me to explore my own inner traumas in a very unique way,” Miller said.

Inspiration

Miller grew up in California around the ocean. He said he frequently went to the beach and played amongst the waves. His favorite animals were always whales, particularly massive blue whales.

As Miller grew into adulthood, he enlisted in the U.S. Navy and served as a Hospital Corpsman with the Fleet Marine Forces during Operation Enduring Freedom. He said he was deployed to Southeast Asia.

His time in service shaped his understanding of trauma, resilience, and its effect long after events have passed. He said his book was a way to explore his trauma both in service and out.

“I just lost my father in January, and that was hard. That was painful,” Miller said. “But I experienced something very similar when I would lose friends, brothers in arms, when you’re in the military, and your buddy that was there with you just a moment earlier is gone.”

Miller said the idea for his book came from a vivid dream. In it, he found himself in the body of a whale.

“I could feel the movement of the body of the whale through the water, and I could see through its eyes,” Miller said. “It was like I was part of the whale, like I was the whale, but like an observer just watching.”

Flash forward, and the whale is raising a calf.

“The scene flashes forward to me teaching her how to swim and how to eat and how to live and how to survive in the ocean, in the wild waters of the ocean,” Miller said.

But soon Miller said the whales find them pursued by whalers. They swim away from the threat as fast as they can. But the whalers successfully kill the calf. The mother is heartbroken.

“I’m observing the whale to have great sadness,” Miller said. “And I observe the whale beach itself and lie there until it dies.”

“Then there’s just darkness, and I hear a voice,” he said. “And the voice is speaking to me, seemingly, and it says, ‘I’m sending you back.”

So in the dream, the whale was reborn into the very family that killed its baby for meat. The family that ate it to survive through a harsh winter.

“The voice said, ‘You will learn to appreciate and value life, you will learn to love life in all forms and all varieties,” Miller said.

Then Miller woke up. He said he didn’t know immediately that this dream would lead him to write, but the strange experience stuck with him for months. During this time, he also felt like he wanted to write a book, but still didn’t know what to write about.

In 2022, Miller started a podcast called Operation Freedom Recovery, which seeks to share messages of strength and hope with the military veteran community who suffer from PTSD, addiction, substance use disorders, mental health crises, sexual trauma, suicidal ideations, depression or abuse.

On the podcast, Miller interviewed an author named Greg S. Reid. One day, Miller called Reid and told him he was interested in writing a book and was looking for pointers. After that conversation, Miller realized he would write about the dream.

“I used the dream that inspired me to write about my life, but not directly, just more in a myth,” Miller said. “I wrote my life in the language of myth.”

Themes

Miller said a key concept in his book is perspective.

“What if you had the opportunity to look through the eyes of your enemy? And really get a sense of their motives and why they’re doing the things that they do or did that caused you pain, hurt, anger, whatever it is.”

“The reason why that’s important or meaningful is because maybe if we could see something from somebody else’s perspective, it allows us to settle into a deeper sense of understanding, a deeper sense of tolerance,” he said. “And maybe, just maybe, through that path a reconciliation.”

Through writing the book, Miller said he gained a sense that he had reconciled with his own past traumas and grudges.

And something Miller doesn’t explicitly address in the book but does have abstract concepts of is conservation.

In his book, the whale is reincarnated as Homer, the whaler’s son. Raised in a village shaped by tradition and survival, Homer grows up in a culture that depends on hunting. Yet from an early age, he experiences recurring dreams of the ocean and a deep, unexplainable grief that challenges his sense of identity.

As he matures, he becomes increasingly aware of a quiet resistance within himself that conflicts with the legacy he is meant to inherit.

“I take a look at the human consumptive nature, what aspects of our consumptive nature are harming our natural resources,” Miller said.

Historically, whalers hunted some whales to near extinction. As an example, there may have once been as many as 37,000 North Pacific Right Whales before commercial whaling, according to the National Marine Fisheries Service. Now populations are thought to be in the low hundreds.

“(The book) is kind of an invitation to look at our stewardship as human beings over our consumptive patterns, and its impact on our environment,” Miller said. “And where can we reflect on that? Where do we need to make changes? Can we make changes? Are we willing to make changes?”

Where to Read

For more information on “I Am the Whale,” visit its website. The book is available on Amazon, and Miller said they’re working on an audiobook. A free downloadable reader companion has also been developed to support individual readers and book clubs, available on its website.

A book signing event will also be held at Gate City Coffee in Pocatello on April 3, from 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. Miller can be followed on Facebook and Instagram.